Unleashed

Lately I've been overcome with apathy, and I'm having difficulty understanding it. It began one night a few weeks ago, when I ran away from home for no good reason.

Actually I hadn't planned to run off at all, but I heard from Wally who lives four doors down that there was a gang of people running around at night having a pretty wild time of it. He said he knew this chick Lola who he sometimes ran into at the park, and that one night she got out and hooked up with them, and they went everywhere, even down to the fences around the launch zone, and they lit a bonfire and one guy brought a bottle of gin (no kidding) and they got pissed and sang songs and told stories, and some of them fucked, and then she snuck home before dawn.

I didn't believe any of it. ``No way,'' I said.

But he swore it was true, and that Lola had told him all about it. He said she was so psyched by the whole experience that she was planning on sneaking out again sometime soon. Wally said he would find out when she was going, if he could get down to the park sometime to meet with her.

``You want me to let you know?" he asked.

``Let me know what?"

``You know, when we're gonna do it."

``Do what? Sneak out to run with the gang?"

Wally nodded eagerly. ``Yeah! What's the matter, don't you wanna go?"

I thought about it. Even if I didn't believe the stories, it still sounded like fun. ``Sure, let me know," I said non-comittally.

``Cool," said Wally. ``Say, do you think I should ask Brodie?"

``Brodie? Are you kidding?" Brodie was a maniac. He lived in the next house beyond Wally, but his keepers never let him out. He was a big, strong guy, obviously kept for security reasons, and was extremely bitter about never being taken out. His keepers didn't do much with him, so he mostly just sat around, pumped iron, read magazines, and masturbated. Whenever I passed nearby he would shout at me from inside, ``Hey Fargo, what the hell you lookin' at? Get the fuck outta my sight you goddam fruit! Don't you fucking look at me, I'll kill you! You know what I got in here? Auto-repeaters, two shotguns, and a goddam flame-fucking-thrower! A fucking flame-thrower, Fargo, you listenin'?" But his keepers never gave him fuel for the flame thrower since they were probably afraid that he would torch the whole place. But every now and then we heard loud bangs that could have been gunfire, so we never bothered Brodie if we could help it, since maybe he would get out one day, and go on a rampage.

``Brodie's not so bad," said Wally. ``You just gotta understand him. He's bitter. I think he needs to get out, you know? It might do him some good."

``How's Brodie gonna get out?" I asked. ``He's kept under lock and key. He's dangerous, that's why they keep him. There's valuable stuff in that house, and Brodie can't wait for some prick to break in so that he can blow him to pieces."

``Yeah, so? I think Brodie could use a little perspective," said Wally.

Wally and I didn't see eye to eye on Brodie, but then again Brodie didn't threaten to kill Wally every day. I didn't say anything though, since I got called for dinner just then, and had to leave. If I didn't come to dinner within five minutes, my keepers would just skip it, no matter how much I complained, or what my excuse was.

I had corn flakes that night, which was starting to get annoying, since I'd been eating corn flakes for three days straight now. Somebody wasn't doing any shopping. I looked around at everyone to see if I could tell which was the guilty party, but nobody would meet my gaze. That was hardly surprising, though, since keepers have such incredibly bad vision. I think they're spooked by human eyesight, like it's some kind of extra-sensory thing.

Oh well, never mind about the corn flakes. At least there was milk.

Afterwards the elders encouraged the youngest one to entertain me, so we played chess for a while, while they burbled about this and that. Every now and again I picked up recognizable sounds, and looked up to see if it was me that they were talking about, which sometimes amused them. But the conversation was too complex and multi-dimensional for someone born and bred to linear language systems to follow.

I returned to the game. In spite of a brilliant Queen sacrifice, I resigned in the endgame when I wasn't able to prevent a promotion that would have left me in an impossible material position. I wanted to play again, but the young keeper lost interest and went off to other things.

For the rest of the evening I read magazines and wondered what Wally was up to. He was keen on playing hockey, which was wierd because keepers are really not suited to the sport, and on the few occasions when they tried to entertain him by participating in a pick-up game, he not only soundly thrashed them but actually frightened most of them so badly that they wouldn't even let him practice on his own for the next month. They've pretty much relaxed about it since then, and now they let him practice by shooting at targets in the basement. Sometimes he would convince me to play, but I wasn't very good and once I got a black eye from an elbow. My keepers went over and scolded Wally's keepers after that, and Wally wasn't allowed to have friends over to play for a few weeks.

I sacked out in my bed in the front hall that night and had a restless night of dreams about wanton women dancing around bonfires while witty and sophisticated people drank red wine and smoked cigarettes around me.

As luck would have it, the young keeper took me out for some exercise in the morning, and we ran down to the local park. He had to yank on my harness a few times, so that I didn't accidentally run across the plasma conduit and get fried by a passing pulse. It's quite ridiculous the way you have to watch out for these things, even though Wally claims to have figured out how to predict when a pulse is coming and when it's safe to step across. He explained it once, but I couldn't follow his explanation, which was embarassing since he's usually the lug and I'm the brain. Evidently it's an art and not a science. Whatever, it means I stay harnessed on the way to the park, whereas Wally is often trusted to run free.

At least it's comforting to know that if Brodie ever gets out, he probably won't get more than a few blocks before getting toasted.

Anyway, we were just strolling down at the park, and there was Wally, sitting at the coffee shop with two hot-looking women, who were dressed rather dangerously in tight pants and low-cut tops, and wearing make-up.

``Yo Wally!" I called, waving, and my keeper yanked on the harness as if I had committed some crime. ``Come on," I begged. ``Let me go over and talk to them. Just for a few minutes, I swear." He consented, raising a digit to caution me about taking off anywhere where I might end up crossing some plasma conduits. Yeah, yeah, I muttered. As if I didn't know that it was plasma. I'm not an idiot.

``Fargo!" beamed Wally when I came up. ``This is Lola, and her friend Yoko. Sit down, you want a cappucino?"

``No, no," I declined. ``Can't stay long."

``This is Fargo," said Wally to the women. ``He's got himself a pretty good setup a few doors down from me. Good food, games every night."

``Every night?" said Lola. ``Sounds great."

``Well, not every night," I said modestly. ``And the food has sucked for the past few days. Corn flakes."

``Oh!" laughed Yoko. ``I get corn flakes all the time. I hate that!"

``I don't know what to do!" I laughed, delighted at having discovered common ground, however mundane, so quickly.

``Know what I do?" said Yoko slyly.

``What?" Everyone leaned in conspiratorially.

Yoko stuck her finger in her mouth.

``No!" gasped Lola.

Yoko gave a slightly embarrassed smile, and then shrugged. ``Works like a charm. Last time I did it, I got hamburgers the next night."

``There you go, buddy," said Wally, slapping me on the shoulder, in an uncharacteristicly chummy way. He must have been happy to have a second male present. It turned the situation from morning coffee with a couple of acquaintances into a double date of sorts.

``Okay," I said nodding, as if this was indeed a brilliant strategy that I would put into immediate practice as soon as I got home. ``So other than the food, you got an okay setup?"

``It's alright," said Yoko.

``She has her own room," said Lola.

``Yeah," said Yoko.

``With a TV," said Lola.

``Shut up, Lola, you're embarassing me."

``Hey," said Wally, seeing an opportunity. ``Your keepers allow you to have friends over?"

``Sometimes," replied Yoko. ``During the day."

Wally nodded as if everything in the world was satisfactory, and sipped from his coffee. My keeper was wagging a finger to summon me, but I pretended I didn't see it.

``And you, Lola?" I asked.

``Don't ask," she said. Yoko tilted her head sympathetically.

``What? What is it?" I wanted to know, but my keeper's finger was really shaking now.

Wally nudged me. ``You're being paged."

I groaned, and Lola giggled, not out of pity, I hoped. ``Well, I guess I have to go," I said, standing.

Wally tapped me on the knee. ``Tonight, Fargo."

``Eh?"

``We're going out tonight."

``Where?"

``Remember, like I told you yesterday?"

I looked at Lola. ``Tonight?"

``It's gonna be great," said Lola. ``It's an unbelievable rush. You'll really love it."

``Are you going, too?" I asked Yoko.

``I don't know if I can get out," she replied. ``But I hope so."

``You'll come?" asked Wally. If Yoko was coming, then it would be easier to pair off if he had another guy with him.

I nodded thoughtfully. ``Okay. We'll talk later."

``Right-o," said Wally, pointing his finger at me like a gun.

So I went back to my keeper, who made a show of exasperation at my refusal to come when summoned, as if I was some kind of delinquent or something. I felt a flash of annoyance. I could kill him with my bare hands in seconds if I really had the inclination. Paradoxically, that thought calmed me enough to submit to the harness and return home.

After all the keepers left for their daily duties, whatever they were, the house was quiet, and I amused myself by playing music and studying a book on watercolour portraiture, even though I didn't have the materials to try it out myself.

A few hours later I discovered that somebody had left the toilet door sealed and I couldn't get in to take a piss. Morons! For a goddam superior intelligence they sure had their lapses. I stomped around the house for a while, trying to calculate if my bladder would last until their return. Of course that only made it all the worse, and I started plotting where I could urinate and how I could attempt to clean it up so as to minimize the inevitable ruckus when everyone returned. The least they could do was install some goddam doorknobs that a human hand could use. Wally once got in trouble when he kicked in a cabinet containing some food after his keepers had forgotten to make him dinner.

In the end my bladder endured, and when the first keeper came home, I bitched until the toilet door was unsealed.

``God damn!" I moaned as I released my stream into the toilet bowl. ``For four hours I've needed to piss. I thought I was gonna die!" The keeper chittered at my protestations, and went off in search of some food for dinner.

That night they fixed macaroni and cheese for me, so I didn't have to consider resorting to Yoko's stratagem.

Wally came by that night while I was getting my ass kicked in a game of Go with one of the elders. I heard him outside calling my name, and wondered if he had some news about what was happening tonight.

``I resign," I said.

The elder keeper burbled and pointed out a few pitifully small areas on the board where I still had a chance of capturing some territory.

``No, no," I said. ``Look you have all this area here, and I don't have any chance down here, really. Maybe here, but that's nothing. You win. Can I go out and talk to Wally?"

They let me out, with the usual cautions about running off, and Wally waved me over to a hedge. I followed him around, and then nearly crapped my pants when I saw Brodie there.

``Hey Fargo," said Brodie, with a mischievous smile. I'd never been this close to him before, and noticed that he was missing a tooth.

``Brodie," I said. ``You got out?"

``Fucking right," said Brodie. ``Used a goddam art statue to smash the door open. Should have thought of that years ago."

I swallowed. Brodie would be lucky to have a job when he got back. If he got back.

``Come on," said Wally. ``We're meeting Lola and Yoko down at the park. Follow me."

``Wait," I said, looking back at my door. ``How long will we be gone?"

``Who knows?" replied Wally.

``I don't know if I can go," I said.

``Of course you can't fucking go!" snapped Brodie. ``That's the whole point, you goddam panty-waist. Am I gonna hafta drag you?"

So Brodie and I followed Wally, especially at the plasma conduit crossings, which Brodie loudly cursed. Wally told us both to shut up, even though I wasn't saying anything. There were some keepers still out at this hour, and their ears turned this way and that when they heard us go past, but since we weren't their responsibility we made it to the park unmolested.

Lola and Yoko were both there, and Brodie whistled to himself as we approached. ``Wally, my man. I never took you for such a stud." He immediately set to work charming the women with his ample musculature and impressive command of scatalogical and expletive terminology.

``Wally," I said nudging him. ``Did you have to bring Brodie?"

Wally shrugged. ``I didn't know if you were coming or not. Relax, he'll be okay."

I discreetly waved my hand at the group. Three guys, two girls. Think, Wally, think!

``It's okay," said Wally, understanding my concern. ``It'll be okay."

``It's this way," said Lola waving us along. ``They're all gonna meet down by the main plasma trunk."

This was sounding more and more dangerous all the time. Already my keepers probably knew that I had taken off, and there were probably getting panicky about me getting fried or something.

``Hey Fargo," said Brodie, as we followed Lola down an alleyway.

``Mm?" I looked at him, puzzled by his air of comeraderie.

``Check this out." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a rather large handgun with a peculiar looking sight mounted along the top of the barrel. ``Nine millimetre with laser sight. Clip holds thirteen rounds."

``Whoa," I said.

``Gonna have a fucking party tonight, eh?"

``Yup."

``Hey Yoko," called Brodie, slipping the gun back into his jacket.

``Yeah?"

``You got a nice ass."

A glance passed between Yoko and Lola, secret messages hidden in the cants of their heads and the angles of their eyes.

``It's gonna be fun tonight, eh Fargo?" said Brodie, nudging me with his elbow.

``Let's hope so."

``Don't fucking hope! Do!" Brodie bared his teeth and looked at me, real crazed-like. ``Eh, Wally? Lola? No hope!"

``Party on, Brodie!" cheered Lola, and Brodie laughed.

Lola led us through a torn fence, and down across a few more plasma conduits. She evidently understood them at least as well as Wally, and her knowledge of the streets was impressive. We followed the edge of a service trench for a few hundred yards, crossed it on an old board, and then dropped over a wall into a broad paved area.

``Through here," whispered Lola, leading us through a service gate and onto a service walkway that parallelled the main plasma trunk for this part of the city. ``The junction is a few hundred metres down. That's where everyone is."

We followed her along, our journey lit by awesome blue and orange strobes from the conduit. It made the skin tingle, and the hairs stand on end, and I heard Yoko gasp after one particularly energetic pulse flew past.

When we arrived, someone called out to us from a vacant area overlooking the trunk junction. We climbed up a retention wall and found ourselves in a small field of grasses that filled one of the quadrants formed by the four-way junction. A fire had been lit, and the faces of people could be seen in the glow, gathered for warmth and companionship. Somebody had brought a guitar, and idle chords were being strummed as Lola made some introductions and we found places to sit.

I found myself beside a couple, Tino and Dionne, whose arms were wrapped around each other. Turns out they had been trying to get out to these ``getaways" every week or so. They had met at a previous one, and by the looks of it were madly in love. Dionne didn't find it difficult to sneak out, but Tino's keepers were extremely strict and didn't encourage socialization. He would get severely punished when he returned, and as of last week had run away for good.

``So now you do this every night?" I asked.

``Yup," said Tino. ``Where else can I go?"

I didn't know. ``What do you do for food?"

``Oh you know, there's places you can find stuff. Stuff that's been thrown out. Sometimes you can steal. Dionne brings me stuff every now and then."

Dionne smiled. ``Cookies," she said. Then, to me, ``Want one?"

``They're good," said Tino, so I had one, and it was delicious.

We discussed history, and whether keepers civilized humans, liberating us from our animal pasts as they claimed, or whether they conquered us and our civilizations generations ago, as some radical humans sometimes postulated in private conversations. Tino fell firmly in the conquest camp, which was hardly surprising. Dionne didn't contradict him, but I could tell that she was not convinced. Myself, I suggested that maybe both stories were true, and that keepers simply didn't recognize human civilization as being that civilized. Everybody knew we could be a dangerous species, after all. That's why keepers used us to fight wars, guard their homes, and give them a sense of security.

``Keeper propaganda,'' dismissed Tino. ``One day we'll figure it out. Then everything will change.'' Maybe he was right. Who knows?

Someone began to play the guitar, and some people sang. A couple of bottles began to get passed around, whiskey and a large jug of cheap white wine. No matter, it all went down. My head grew light, and I laughed, looking at the sky, and the light on people's faces when the plasma bolts flew past. The rich sights of humanity were all around me, and more people came, and danced, and I could smell the smoke from tobacco and hashish in the air. Tino and Dionne excused themselves and went off to find a private piece of grass on the periphery, and I moved in towards the fire.

Brodie was there dancing like a god damned tornado, kicking up sparks whenever his boots stepped into the fire. He had Lola gripped about the waist, and she was smiling and red-cheeked in the face of his tempest. She saw me and disengaged, and Brodie just kept on going, grabbing at another woman, and then a man to accompany him into the blissful oblivion that he was seeking.

Lola flopped herself down beside me, and brushed at her hair. ``Brodie's an animal," she gasped.

I nodded, since nothing more could be added to this assessment. ``Where's Wally?" I asked instead.

``He and Yoko were together for a while," she said, not bothering to look around. ``Maybe they went off."

``Yeah," I agreed, and looked into the fire.

``You having a good time?" asked Lola, touching my arm.

I looked at her. ``Is this what it means to be human?" I asked. ``Because that's what I'm thinking. Somehow, this just seems like what we're supposed to do, you know?"

Lola smiled. ``Wally said that sometimes you're a philosopher."

``Wally can go to hell," I drunkenly proclaimed. ``It's a good question, and it deserves an answer."

Lola nodded. ``It deserves an answer."

``Then answer it."

``I don't know," she said, looking into the fire. ``I really don't know."

``What makes you come here?" I asked.

``Warmth and love," she said. ``Something here speaks to me. The fire, the music, I'm not sure. There's strength and maybe ... I don't know."

``Strength and what?"

``Purpose."

``Purpose," I repeated.

``It's wierd, because we're not really doing anything. But it's a purpose, because otherwise I don't know what my purpose is, except to try and avoid getting beaten with a stun stick."

The fire roared, and the guitar chords resonated down our spines. ``Purpose," I said again. ``That's good. I like that."

``Fargo," said Lola.

``I'm here."

``Do you want to go off into the grass somewhere?"

``Yeah, I do."

We walked off and found a quiet patch of grass overlooking the plasma trunk. The hair on our arms stood up as a crackling green pulse whizzed past. The silhouettes of the others could be seen against a backdrop of sparks and licks of fire. We lay down and amused ourselves with figuring out how to remove enough clothes to continue without catching a chill this far from the fire.

``Like dogs," she said, getting onto her knees. ``We have to fuck like dogs."

So we did, and I slipped my cold hands up inside her shirt to touch her small, warm breasts, as I thrust into her at what I hoped was a lazy enough pace to preserve my honour. After a time, I ejaculated onto the grass, and we zipped ourselves up, and held each other silently until the patrol craft found us.

It came in low enough that nobody saw it until the spot lamps fired up and caught the whole party in their blue-white glare. People started shouting, and breaking for cover, dropping back down to the service walkway, or running off through the grass to find some other escape. There were calls for lost ones, and shouts of anger.

``Come on," said Lola. ``Let's get out of here." We stood and looked for a way back down to the service walkway.

I spotted Brodie, standing in front of the fire. ``Come on, mother-fuckers!" he was screaming. ``You want a piece of this? Come on you fucking rat-faced pencil-necks! Come closer!" He reached into his jacket, and pulled out the pistol that he had showed me earlier. ``See this? Nine-fucking millimetre, you two-toed troglodytes! One bullet is enough to wipe out your entire goddam species!" He started shooting at the patrol craft, and it pulled upwards in response with a heavy whine. People screamed, and Lola pulled me away from it just before the craft began to spit return fire.

We dropped down to the service walkway along the plasma trunk, and started to run. Ahead we could see other forms, also running. Where were Wally and Yoko? I wanted to stop and look for them in spite of the chaos, but I was in Lola's hands now. She knew the streets better than I, and if I had any chance of getting back alive it was by sticking close to her. If she said run, then I ran.

We ran and ran and ran, until we got netted and stunned at the service gate by waiting impoundment officers.

I woke in a small cement cell, to the sounds of human misery. Crying, angry challenges, people kicking at the bars in futility. My head was messed up so bad it took me fifteen minutes before I could stand up on two feet.

``Lola!" I called at the bars, trying to see the others who had been locked up. ``Lola!" But if she was there, she wasn't answering.

I was only impounded for about eight hours. My tags were in good shape, and my keepers were notifed immediately. There were token fines to pay, of course, but nothing too serious. It was only human nature, after all, and if keepers weren't as stringent as they were in keeping a lid on it, then things like this would be a more serious and common problem than they actually were. Fortunately, only one person had been cooked when she unwisely crossed the plasma trunk, but it hadn't caused any service disruptions.

I was taken home, scolded roundly, and had almost all my priveleges revoked for the next few weeks. I sulked for a while and refused to play any games, but then one day they made me lasagna with garlic bread for dinner, and all was forgiven.

But not quite forgotten. I was forbidden to go out on my own for some time, even to see Wally, but he came by and was allowed in to visit. We played darts and drank cola, while he described his escape across the field and under a chainlink fence into an industrial service yard. Several others, including Yoko, got out the same way.

``Brodie?" I asked.

Wally shrugged. ``I haven't heard anything from next door since that night. I guess he never came back."

I gathered Wally hadn't seen Brodie start his little war. Still, who could say? Maybe he got away with it, and just never came back.

``Have you seen Lola?" I asked, finally.

He shook his head. ``Nope. I go down to the park every day, but I never see her anymore. Not since then."

He left an hour later, and I waved him off with a promise to meet again tomorrow. Going back inside, I paced around for a while, thinking. Normally I would take up a book or a difficult puzzle and amuse myself by studying it to the point of exhaustion, but not today. I looked around at my books and games with vague distaste, and then sat down, trying to diagnose the strange ennui that had suddenly gripped me.

For the first time in my life, I didn't know what I wanted to do.