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High-tech dog toys

posted on Apr 25, 2010
So Lucy, my sweet ol' hound, loves to pull the squeaky mechanisms out of her squeaky toys.  These are usually cheap little plastic whistles with a squeeze bulb that activates them.  But today Lucy pulled apart her stuffed piggy to reveal the most complex and dangerous dog toy squeaky I have ever seen. I'm pretty sure some of those components, electronic or otherwise, don't go well with dog innards. Is this what happens when you outsource dog squeaky manufacture to China?

Crazy Dog

posted on Jan 18, 2009

Design for


posted on Oct 31, 2008
On account of it being Halloween and all, I'm going to repost some pics kindly sent to me through my friend Rick, of the creepiest thing I've seen all year.

Apparently the spiders in Cairns, Australia, are the heebie-jeebiest creatures on the entire planet.  Not only do they have nasty, clicky-clacky, brightly coloured exoskeletons, and disgusting, fat, grey abdomens that spin humongous webs, and huge fangs that paralyze their prey in mid-wing-beat, but they are so huge, they snatch whole birds out of the air with their webs.  And then suck their brains out.

Gaaaaah.  It would be one thing if they confined this monstrous behaviour to remote caves in Papua New Guinea that humans never, ever, ever went to.  But these pics were taken in some dude's garden.  In other words, this hideous thing could fall on your head while sipping a cool one over the barbie.  Or it could rush out and sink its nasty fangs into your face because you accidentally walked through one of its giant webs strung between the carport and the garbage bins.

Man, if that happened to me, I'd seriously have to kill everything within a mile before my skin stopped crawling.  If ever there was a case for nuclear weapons, this is it.

Baby Killer Update

posted on Jun 8, 2006
Digitally-enhanced baby (yum)
It's been a while since the last baby-killer episode, but it seems like some of the Africans figured out how to make babies (yum!) and keep the other fish from munching them down like the delicious little bits of sashimi they are.  They must have cleverly hidden the eggs in a crevice that the mean ol' pleco couldn't get his big nasty sucker mouth into, because somehow they hatched.  Since cichlids are mouthbrooders, the babies must have hid out in mom and dad's mouth for a week or two until they just got too big.  And then one day, mom spat them out and they were on their own, and to everyone's surprise, there were a bunch of cute lil' baby africans just cruising everywhere.  They are yellow-pink and striped, so they could be the offspring of Mean Mr. Pink, who has a personality not unlike Saddam Hussein.  I have high hopes for the chaos that will ensue when the babies grow up to be rowdy teenagers.

Baby Killers and Hot African Sex

posted on Dec 20, 2005
The dastardly fiend.

So a couple of my Africans (those are fish, by the way) decided to get it on the other day, and pretty soon they were the glowing (and I mean glowing in red and blue) parents of several hundred adorable embyonic Jewel Cichlids.  Or, as they are affectionately known to fish of other species, All-You-Can-Eat-Babies!  Yum!

Now it should be noted that these little lovers were once kings of the tank, but it turns out that Jewel Cichlids are relatively shy and docile compared to Convicts and Malawi Cichlids, the latter of whom ate every living thing smaller than a quarter (which included about a hundred inbred guppies).  Long story short:  the Jewels are now the smallest fish in the tank, and on the very last rung of the complex social ladder that the fish have painstakingly sorted out for themselves.  So the choice of having a brood of All-You-Can-Eat-Babies was a little bit ill-considered, perhaps, especially since Africans are loving parents (seriously) and they do actually care when their babies start getting gobbled up by the dozens.

Needless to say, there was some fighting.  More accurately, a few attempted murders and some general brawling by other fish who were just a little too stoked because of all the sex and violence happening around them.  After about 12 hours of this, one Convict lay wounded and dying, and the scarred lovers were too exhausted to continue. 

At this point, the Pleco, a big armoured catfish that is related to Cichlids in approximately the way that a Rhinoceros is related to humans, cruised up and in a few quick gulps, wolfed down all the eggs.  The poor parents were too tired to object, and so ended the tragic saga.  But tragic as it all is, it has given me cause to consider that my problems really aren't that big in the scheme of things.

Great white hunter

posted on Jan 28, 2005

Fox hunting on the patio.


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